Over the many years that I have been in situations where a man felt he needed a clever line to approach me, and I will add that I am one of those women that men do not approach, there has only been one that was of a genuine origin. I was at work one day, and a headache began to form. Considering that I worked at a night club, pounding music and all,it was of no wonder the headache was intense. He must have been watching me for a while, because it was about two hours into my shift when I literally put both elbows on the bar and began massaging my temples. Before I could make another move, he appeared next to me offering a glass of water and an aspirin.
I looked at him, wincing through the pain, and thanked him. It was then that he introduced himself and got my number. Why did this work? Why was I taken aback enough to go out with him? Even though things ended after a year and 1/2, the gesture showed that he was paying attention to me in that first moment.
The lesson is that you don't need a clever one liner, or a witty remark to truly capture a woman's attention. Don't be jovial or lackadaisical about it either because that can send mixed signals. Directness (not bluntness) and paying attention are the most effective ways to attract the attention of a woman.
That is of course, if you care about being a gentleman.
Friday, November 11, 2011
Sunday, December 26, 2010
Raise 'em Right
I firmly believe that the feminist movement took it a bit too far. Men don't know what is the proper protocol on a date or in a relationship, but instead of maintaining their status quo and adding into it a dash of feminine consideration, they also went too far and reverted to shear laziness.
Men, women don't want you to stop being a gentleman just because you no longer are expected to be the only breadwinner and acknowledge that women are just as capable (if not more, hah) than you are in all areas of life.
Case in point, my friend Damion never lets me open the car door if he is driving. However, when I drive, I am free to open my own door. Balance. Perfection. The person driving the car is the host. I often will open the door for him at least when he is getting in, however, he thinks I am weird for doing that. My daughter upon witnessing this exchange has taken it upon herself to demand such respect from any male that we spend time with. The other day, in fact, we were traveling with such a person to a restaurant, and she screamed "MOM, WAIT!" I was taken aback, "What?" She then looked over at the guy and stared until he got the point. He then jumped out and ran around to open the door for us. She said, "Mom, that is what a gentleman is supposed to do." From the mouth of babes...
There is nothing disrespectful about opening a door, or helping a woman in heels out of a car. There is nothing disrespectful about letting her get it once in a while too. Balance. It need not be a war of courtesies. It should just be courtesy.
Men, women don't want you to stop being a gentleman just because you no longer are expected to be the only breadwinner and acknowledge that women are just as capable (if not more, hah) than you are in all areas of life.
Case in point, my friend Damion never lets me open the car door if he is driving. However, when I drive, I am free to open my own door. Balance. Perfection. The person driving the car is the host. I often will open the door for him at least when he is getting in, however, he thinks I am weird for doing that. My daughter upon witnessing this exchange has taken it upon herself to demand such respect from any male that we spend time with. The other day, in fact, we were traveling with such a person to a restaurant, and she screamed "MOM, WAIT!" I was taken aback, "What?" She then looked over at the guy and stared until he got the point. He then jumped out and ran around to open the door for us. She said, "Mom, that is what a gentleman is supposed to do." From the mouth of babes...
There is nothing disrespectful about opening a door, or helping a woman in heels out of a car. There is nothing disrespectful about letting her get it once in a while too. Balance. It need not be a war of courtesies. It should just be courtesy.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Giving the Elbow
No menfolk, I am not talking about the latest UFC fight or an elbow to the face. I am talking about the elbow of a woman and a man's usage of it. The highly neglected but one time respected female part that is one of the most useful tools of seduction is the elbow.
When I was a little girl living in Florida, there was a neighbor of ours that lived in a little apartment down the street. She was tall, and had black-dyed hair. She wore makeup, and was about 10 years older than my mother. She was unmarried- which in the early 80's, that made her, well, out of the norm. She had no children to my knowledge and her home was filled with feminine dainties, like flower teapots, lace, and smell goods. Things that were not in my home at the time. Things that as a little girl, intrigued me. I can't remember why I was over there, but at one time I was there by myself with her, perusing her home with wide eyes, and curiosity. She was getting ready to leave for something and was adorning herself with perfumes, makeup, and lotions. I remember her clearly saying to me that lotion was a must, something that every lady never leaves home without putting on. Then I watched her apply another coat of lotion specifically on her elbows. She noticed my furrowed brow, and explained: A lady should never have rough elbows, as no man would want to touch them. I never understood that but I have always been vigorous about my elbow care.
I often wondered why this elbow thing was so important? As I got older and longed for days of more formality between male and female relations as chivalry was stomped to the ground like a Mexican hat dance; I thought about my elbows. Back in more polite society, a man offered a woman help out of a carriage (or car), first offering with his hand and then grabbing her elbow. It was also considered proper to lead a woman who was not of intimate familiarity into a room via her elbow, just a gentle cupping to offer stability. We women tend to wear heels, and from what I have observed, most women still walk awkwardly in heels, so it is important for you flat heeled men to support us when we are climbing stairs or exiting vehicles. Women of the feminist persuasion can be offended that this means we cannot walk right or are helpless, but lets look at it from a safety perspective- or even a financial one. Women don't want to go flying in their expensive shoes and dress, catch a heel wrong and break it, or come crashing down a staircase and end up with broken things. So there is a practicality to the effort. But mostly, it is a wonderful and caring gesture, as well as another one of those tiny little gestures that make most women swoon inside. Men, your ultimate goal: always to get the swoon.
When I was a little girl living in Florida, there was a neighbor of ours that lived in a little apartment down the street. She was tall, and had black-dyed hair. She wore makeup, and was about 10 years older than my mother. She was unmarried- which in the early 80's, that made her, well, out of the norm. She had no children to my knowledge and her home was filled with feminine dainties, like flower teapots, lace, and smell goods. Things that were not in my home at the time. Things that as a little girl, intrigued me. I can't remember why I was over there, but at one time I was there by myself with her, perusing her home with wide eyes, and curiosity. She was getting ready to leave for something and was adorning herself with perfumes, makeup, and lotions. I remember her clearly saying to me that lotion was a must, something that every lady never leaves home without putting on. Then I watched her apply another coat of lotion specifically on her elbows. She noticed my furrowed brow, and explained: A lady should never have rough elbows, as no man would want to touch them. I never understood that but I have always been vigorous about my elbow care.
I often wondered why this elbow thing was so important? As I got older and longed for days of more formality between male and female relations as chivalry was stomped to the ground like a Mexican hat dance; I thought about my elbows. Back in more polite society, a man offered a woman help out of a carriage (or car), first offering with his hand and then grabbing her elbow. It was also considered proper to lead a woman who was not of intimate familiarity into a room via her elbow, just a gentle cupping to offer stability. We women tend to wear heels, and from what I have observed, most women still walk awkwardly in heels, so it is important for you flat heeled men to support us when we are climbing stairs or exiting vehicles. Women of the feminist persuasion can be offended that this means we cannot walk right or are helpless, but lets look at it from a safety perspective- or even a financial one. Women don't want to go flying in their expensive shoes and dress, catch a heel wrong and break it, or come crashing down a staircase and end up with broken things. So there is a practicality to the effort. But mostly, it is a wonderful and caring gesture, as well as another one of those tiny little gestures that make most women swoon inside. Men, your ultimate goal: always to get the swoon.
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