What is a gesture you might think? Is it romantic, or something said, is it a kindness offered or a burden lifted for the person you hope to obtain the affections of? I don't know if a gesture can be defined as one particular thing, other than it is an ACTION. It is a perception, nay a forethought on how you can show that you have an interest in another person's well being. This can go much farther than just towards someone you hope to love. It can and should be part of who you, as a desired gentleman, become.
One boyfriend of mine did something so simple, that it was what really opened my eyes to him as a possibility. Before I even knew his name, I was standing at the place where we both worked, and I was feeling a migraine coming on. I remember rubbing my temples and closing my eyes with the pain. In less than a minute, a hand extended itself with an aspirin and a bottle of water held out for me. That little moment of observation that this person had, and then the wherewithal to bring me said items told me so much about this person.
One, he was watching me. That in itself is flattering. Two, he thought about my needs as a way to nab my attention. Three, he was thorough in his delivery and he didn't linger to wait for a thank you or a moment of chest beating at his cleverness. Women notice the small things, guys. They notice those little conveniences. Like, oh say, putting the toilet seat back down. Spontaneously getting up to do the dishes without having to have been asked. I had a dear friend of mine come over for a dinner, and not only did he bring cake for dessert, he also did the dishes at the end. This left me to enjoy the rest of the evening's banter without being distracted about needing to get the dishes done.
The gesture doesn't have to be the same each time, and we aren't asking that it be everyday, but shock us with some little nuance of notice, and we are putty in your hand. Another great anecdote is when a boyfriend of mine in his last attempt to prove that the last two years had not been a waste, came home with a bag of items that were all about my interests. He was a terribly selfish guy and felt that any interest outside what he deemed important was frivolous. I accepted this part of his personality, but I will admit that I had always been disappointed that he never showed much interest in my life. That day, he tried his hardest to show me that he had been paying attention. It is one of my best memories of our time together. Had he done this a little more often, we might have made it.
The gesture is more than manners, it is more than remembering a date or a movie they loved, its about notice things about the person, daily behaviors or quirks, and showing the person of your affection that you notice.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
The Introduction
Some might ask themselves why this was not the obvious topic to start with. Well, I am of a mercurial mind and I don't often like everything to be in perfect order. However, there is one social event that should take its place amongst the first in sequence. The introduction.
Many of my mates have left me awkwardly standing beside them as they converse with others, completely forgetting to introduce me. This not only makes one feel completely irrelevant, but it also shows others that you aren't very important to this person, nor does he feel proud that you are there with him. While there are many excuses that can be given, in short, it is just a down right lack of etiquette and respect.
Gentleman, when out with your lady friend also be aware that when you introduce her, she will pay attention to HOW you introduced her. For example, if you say "This is my friend so and so" when you guys are supposed to be dating, or if you say "my girlfriend so and so" when you guys just met... etc. because she will be paying attention. Your best bet is to introduce her in this manner...
To your friends, say Hey Friend one and Friend two, I would like you to meet So and So. Prevent giving titles to anyone. Relieves you from slipping up. No one wants to deal with the fall out of an improper introduction. It leads to all sorts of pouting, and resentment.
Onto the first meeting... So you see a fine girl sitting in your row, she's dressed in yellow, she says hello, come sit next to me you fine fellow... Okay not every meeting is going to play out like a Young MC song, so you can't just go bust a move. However, the bold factor is a great one. What have you got to lose? If she is a real woman, interested in you or not, she will appreciate the gesture. There is nothing I hate more than a guy doing double or triple takes my way, and then walks off without a word uttered. I am left thinking either I had snot on my cheek or you are a coward. I don't fancy myself the Something about Mary type so, mostly guys are cowards. Nothing can be lost by politely thrusting a hand forth and saying, "Hi, my name is...".
This applies even on the internet. I was amazingly shocked this morning when I was friend requested by a guy, whom IMed me after perusal of my profile, and opened with a Hello. Not a "what's up" or "hey", or like another guy did <>. This gentleman took the time to introduce himself. He actually wrote "Let me introduce myself. I am.." I was taken aback and appreciative, and immediately receptive to all forms of communication with him at that point. There is nothing worse on social networking sites then having guys IM or message you with "wow your hot" (notice the spelling) or " U look good, wanna chat". Such slang is best reserved for after you know the person and have established some sort of comfortableness with each other. But NOT for a first attempt at contact. Men, its not that hard to be a gentleman. It's just remembering a little thing called time and place. Knowing the right time and right place to behave certain ways. Women let a lot of things slide, especially after you get some things right in the beginning.
Many of my mates have left me awkwardly standing beside them as they converse with others, completely forgetting to introduce me. This not only makes one feel completely irrelevant, but it also shows others that you aren't very important to this person, nor does he feel proud that you are there with him. While there are many excuses that can be given, in short, it is just a down right lack of etiquette and respect.
Gentleman, when out with your lady friend also be aware that when you introduce her, she will pay attention to HOW you introduced her. For example, if you say "This is my friend so and so" when you guys are supposed to be dating, or if you say "my girlfriend so and so" when you guys just met... etc. because she will be paying attention. Your best bet is to introduce her in this manner...
To your friends, say Hey Friend one and Friend two, I would like you to meet So and So. Prevent giving titles to anyone. Relieves you from slipping up. No one wants to deal with the fall out of an improper introduction. It leads to all sorts of pouting, and resentment.
Onto the first meeting... So you see a fine girl sitting in your row, she's dressed in yellow, she says hello, come sit next to me you fine fellow... Okay not every meeting is going to play out like a Young MC song, so you can't just go bust a move. However, the bold factor is a great one. What have you got to lose? If she is a real woman, interested in you or not, she will appreciate the gesture. There is nothing I hate more than a guy doing double or triple takes my way, and then walks off without a word uttered. I am left thinking either I had snot on my cheek or you are a coward. I don't fancy myself the Something about Mary type so, mostly guys are cowards. Nothing can be lost by politely thrusting a hand forth and saying, "Hi, my name is...".
This applies even on the internet. I was amazingly shocked this morning when I was friend requested by a guy, whom IMed me after perusal of my profile, and opened with a Hello. Not a "what's up" or "hey", or like another guy did <>. This gentleman took the time to introduce himself. He actually wrote "Let me introduce myself. I am.." I was taken aback and appreciative, and immediately receptive to all forms of communication with him at that point. There is nothing worse on social networking sites then having guys IM or message you with "wow your hot" (notice the spelling) or " U look good, wanna chat". Such slang is best reserved for after you know the person and have established some sort of comfortableness with each other. But NOT for a first attempt at contact. Men, its not that hard to be a gentleman. It's just remembering a little thing called time and place. Knowing the right time and right place to behave certain ways. Women let a lot of things slide, especially after you get some things right in the beginning.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
The Curse of the Independent Woman
All the singles ladies, put your hands up! There are several different types of women out in the world that men are either attracted to or repelled by. The most elusive and curious one is the Independent lady. The one who seems to have it all down. She doesn't need you to bring home the bacon, cause she can do it herself, fry it up in the pan, serve it with a smile, and will even do the dishes and take out the trash... for herself. She opens her own car door, takes herself to dinner, and buys her own lingerie. She can stomach a one night stand with no strings and sit back, pop the cork on the wine and flip on her own 1080p LCD flatscreen that rivals the size of yours. She's a boss.
Obviously, she works hard, and she's smart. She's done it on her own and gotten far in life. She's not sitting around waiting for you to pick up the bill and eating bon bons watching soap operas all day, while you slave away at the office. She's not a trophy, she is your equal if not more.
Yet, she's single. She gets up everyday and sets her jaw because she has no one to lean on. However, she may be the one who needs someone to lean on the most.
Fellas, the Independent woman, is too often mistaken for a woman who doesn't need anything or anyone. SO not true. These women crave the same romance and love, nights of cuddling, and someone to take out the trash or hang that shelf just as much as any other woman. They just don't sit around and wait for it to be done. The independent woman isn't going to play coquettish games and fumble around her insecurities to goad you into being her hero. Yet a hero is exactly what she needs. A superman to walk in the door and take her mind off all the problems of her day, to run her a bath, or wash her hair for her in the shower. Maybe a nice foot massage while she watches CNN or The Daily Show. She wants to be taken out to dinner and wooed just as much as the ninny who hangs at the bars waiting to catch her next sugar daddy. However, this woman has obviously learned somewhere that men can't be depended upon so she took it upon herself to be resourceful.
Men, the Independent woman is deserving of your attention! She can actually keep up with you in conversation, she has something to contribute! She comes in many forms and is qualified to reciprocate your actions match for match. She is not afraid of anything. SO why are you afraid of her? Because she's a challenge, and some men just don't want to put forth the effort. But wait, I thought men liked the chase? Oh how times are a changing!
Why do wonderful independent women get stuck with loser and parasitic men? They are the only men who aren't terrified of the independent woman, because they see it as a chance to be a dependent man.
I beg you, no I implore you, men. If you know or see or are attracted to a woman who fits the description of Independent, don't back off. In fact, turn it on full blast, for these women have so much to offer, and yet sadly are skipped over by the good men. You would be surprised how a simple kindness can crack an Independent woman's outer shell.
Obviously, she works hard, and she's smart. She's done it on her own and gotten far in life. She's not sitting around waiting for you to pick up the bill and eating bon bons watching soap operas all day, while you slave away at the office. She's not a trophy, she is your equal if not more.
Yet, she's single. She gets up everyday and sets her jaw because she has no one to lean on. However, she may be the one who needs someone to lean on the most.
Fellas, the Independent woman, is too often mistaken for a woman who doesn't need anything or anyone. SO not true. These women crave the same romance and love, nights of cuddling, and someone to take out the trash or hang that shelf just as much as any other woman. They just don't sit around and wait for it to be done. The independent woman isn't going to play coquettish games and fumble around her insecurities to goad you into being her hero. Yet a hero is exactly what she needs. A superman to walk in the door and take her mind off all the problems of her day, to run her a bath, or wash her hair for her in the shower. Maybe a nice foot massage while she watches CNN or The Daily Show. She wants to be taken out to dinner and wooed just as much as the ninny who hangs at the bars waiting to catch her next sugar daddy. However, this woman has obviously learned somewhere that men can't be depended upon so she took it upon herself to be resourceful.
Men, the Independent woman is deserving of your attention! She can actually keep up with you in conversation, she has something to contribute! She comes in many forms and is qualified to reciprocate your actions match for match. She is not afraid of anything. SO why are you afraid of her? Because she's a challenge, and some men just don't want to put forth the effort. But wait, I thought men liked the chase? Oh how times are a changing!
Why do wonderful independent women get stuck with loser and parasitic men? They are the only men who aren't terrified of the independent woman, because they see it as a chance to be a dependent man.
I beg you, no I implore you, men. If you know or see or are attracted to a woman who fits the description of Independent, don't back off. In fact, turn it on full blast, for these women have so much to offer, and yet sadly are skipped over by the good men. You would be surprised how a simple kindness can crack an Independent woman's outer shell.
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