I firmly believe that the feminist movement took it a bit too far. Men don't know what is the proper protocol on a date or in a relationship, but instead of maintaining their status quo and adding into it a dash of feminine consideration, they also went too far and reverted to shear laziness.
Men, women don't want you to stop being a gentleman just because you no longer are expected to be the only breadwinner and acknowledge that women are just as capable (if not more, hah) than you are in all areas of life.
Case in point, my friend Damion never lets me open the car door if he is driving. However, when I drive, I am free to open my own door. Balance. Perfection. The person driving the car is the host. I often will open the door for him at least when he is getting in, however, he thinks I am weird for doing that. My daughter upon witnessing this exchange has taken it upon herself to demand such respect from any male that we spend time with. The other day, in fact, we were traveling with such a person to a restaurant, and she screamed "MOM, WAIT!" I was taken aback, "What?" She then looked over at the guy and stared until he got the point. He then jumped out and ran around to open the door for us. She said, "Mom, that is what a gentleman is supposed to do." From the mouth of babes...
There is nothing disrespectful about opening a door, or helping a woman in heels out of a car. There is nothing disrespectful about letting her get it once in a while too. Balance. It need not be a war of courtesies. It should just be courtesy.
Sunday, December 26, 2010
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Giving the Elbow
No menfolk, I am not talking about the latest UFC fight or an elbow to the face. I am talking about the elbow of a woman and a man's usage of it. The highly neglected but one time respected female part that is one of the most useful tools of seduction is the elbow.
When I was a little girl living in Florida, there was a neighbor of ours that lived in a little apartment down the street. She was tall, and had black-dyed hair. She wore makeup, and was about 10 years older than my mother. She was unmarried- which in the early 80's, that made her, well, out of the norm. She had no children to my knowledge and her home was filled with feminine dainties, like flower teapots, lace, and smell goods. Things that were not in my home at the time. Things that as a little girl, intrigued me. I can't remember why I was over there, but at one time I was there by myself with her, perusing her home with wide eyes, and curiosity. She was getting ready to leave for something and was adorning herself with perfumes, makeup, and lotions. I remember her clearly saying to me that lotion was a must, something that every lady never leaves home without putting on. Then I watched her apply another coat of lotion specifically on her elbows. She noticed my furrowed brow, and explained: A lady should never have rough elbows, as no man would want to touch them. I never understood that but I have always been vigorous about my elbow care.
I often wondered why this elbow thing was so important? As I got older and longed for days of more formality between male and female relations as chivalry was stomped to the ground like a Mexican hat dance; I thought about my elbows. Back in more polite society, a man offered a woman help out of a carriage (or car), first offering with his hand and then grabbing her elbow. It was also considered proper to lead a woman who was not of intimate familiarity into a room via her elbow, just a gentle cupping to offer stability. We women tend to wear heels, and from what I have observed, most women still walk awkwardly in heels, so it is important for you flat heeled men to support us when we are climbing stairs or exiting vehicles. Women of the feminist persuasion can be offended that this means we cannot walk right or are helpless, but lets look at it from a safety perspective- or even a financial one. Women don't want to go flying in their expensive shoes and dress, catch a heel wrong and break it, or come crashing down a staircase and end up with broken things. So there is a practicality to the effort. But mostly, it is a wonderful and caring gesture, as well as another one of those tiny little gestures that make most women swoon inside. Men, your ultimate goal: always to get the swoon.
When I was a little girl living in Florida, there was a neighbor of ours that lived in a little apartment down the street. She was tall, and had black-dyed hair. She wore makeup, and was about 10 years older than my mother. She was unmarried- which in the early 80's, that made her, well, out of the norm. She had no children to my knowledge and her home was filled with feminine dainties, like flower teapots, lace, and smell goods. Things that were not in my home at the time. Things that as a little girl, intrigued me. I can't remember why I was over there, but at one time I was there by myself with her, perusing her home with wide eyes, and curiosity. She was getting ready to leave for something and was adorning herself with perfumes, makeup, and lotions. I remember her clearly saying to me that lotion was a must, something that every lady never leaves home without putting on. Then I watched her apply another coat of lotion specifically on her elbows. She noticed my furrowed brow, and explained: A lady should never have rough elbows, as no man would want to touch them. I never understood that but I have always been vigorous about my elbow care.
I often wondered why this elbow thing was so important? As I got older and longed for days of more formality between male and female relations as chivalry was stomped to the ground like a Mexican hat dance; I thought about my elbows. Back in more polite society, a man offered a woman help out of a carriage (or car), first offering with his hand and then grabbing her elbow. It was also considered proper to lead a woman who was not of intimate familiarity into a room via her elbow, just a gentle cupping to offer stability. We women tend to wear heels, and from what I have observed, most women still walk awkwardly in heels, so it is important for you flat heeled men to support us when we are climbing stairs or exiting vehicles. Women of the feminist persuasion can be offended that this means we cannot walk right or are helpless, but lets look at it from a safety perspective- or even a financial one. Women don't want to go flying in their expensive shoes and dress, catch a heel wrong and break it, or come crashing down a staircase and end up with broken things. So there is a practicality to the effort. But mostly, it is a wonderful and caring gesture, as well as another one of those tiny little gestures that make most women swoon inside. Men, your ultimate goal: always to get the swoon.
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Peter Pan knew Wendy's value
Peter Pan, the iconic figure of never growing up, the adorable rogue who showed Wendy all there was to know about being free, knew more than just how to be a perpetual boy king of Never Never Land. He cleverly knew at first sight, the value of this young lady verifying her worth at her first questioning of her presence in his world.
"Wendy,’ Peter Pan continued in a voice that no woman has ever yet been able to resist, ‘Wendy, one girl is more use than twenty boys."
J. M. Barrie wrote the most profound piece of literature that has ever graced our planet, one that speaks volumes to every age. One that so much more can be learned from than pirates, fairies, and the reclamation of youth. It was, on so many levels, a testament to the man who wrote it, and his philosophies on life. He believed that "If you have it [love], you don't need to have anything else, and if you don't have it, it doesn't matter much what else you have."
While he himself suffered an ill-fated marriage that left him embittered, one of his best plays was What Every Woman Knows. The play from 1908, while wrought with irony, illustrated the idea that no man can become much without the help of a woman. He seemed to never put much chauvinism towards women, in fact it would seem he had a great respect for the position of being a mother.
He relished the mischeviousness of a woman's ways young and old: "Oh, you mysterious girls, when you are fifty-two we shall find you out; you must come into the open then. If the mouth has fallen sourly yours the blame: all the meanness your youth concealed have been gathering in your face. But the pretty thoughts and sweet ways and dear, forgotten kindnesses linger there also, to bloom in your twilight like evening primroses."
He described the measure of a woman's mind as such: "She was a lovely lady, with a romantic mind and such a sweet mocking mouth. Her romantic mind was like the tiny boxes, one within the other, that come from the puzzling East, however many you discover there is always one more.."
And he knew exactly what was charm, especially the charm of a woman: "it's a sort of bloom on a woman. If you have it, you don't need to have anything else; and if you don't have it, it doesn't much matter what else you have. Some women, the few, have charm for all; and most have charm for one. But some have charm for none."
Wise beyond his years, and ever the benevolent soul, J. M. Barrie was able to give Peter Pan a reason to fight. A little boy with no care in the world, save an unruly shadow, was forever changed by the unconditional love of Wendy.
Men, no one ever asks you to grow up, not as long as you know what you have and you show how much it means to you. There is not a woman in the world who would deny the man she loves of anything even the hot rod, or the hours of video games, if she knew that in every way she was loved and appreciated. She might even fly out a window with you.
"Wendy,’ Peter Pan continued in a voice that no woman has ever yet been able to resist, ‘Wendy, one girl is more use than twenty boys."
J. M. Barrie wrote the most profound piece of literature that has ever graced our planet, one that speaks volumes to every age. One that so much more can be learned from than pirates, fairies, and the reclamation of youth. It was, on so many levels, a testament to the man who wrote it, and his philosophies on life. He believed that "If you have it [love], you don't need to have anything else, and if you don't have it, it doesn't matter much what else you have."
While he himself suffered an ill-fated marriage that left him embittered, one of his best plays was What Every Woman Knows. The play from 1908, while wrought with irony, illustrated the idea that no man can become much without the help of a woman. He seemed to never put much chauvinism towards women, in fact it would seem he had a great respect for the position of being a mother.
He relished the mischeviousness of a woman's ways young and old: "Oh, you mysterious girls, when you are fifty-two we shall find you out; you must come into the open then. If the mouth has fallen sourly yours the blame: all the meanness your youth concealed have been gathering in your face. But the pretty thoughts and sweet ways and dear, forgotten kindnesses linger there also, to bloom in your twilight like evening primroses."
He described the measure of a woman's mind as such: "She was a lovely lady, with a romantic mind and such a sweet mocking mouth. Her romantic mind was like the tiny boxes, one within the other, that come from the puzzling East, however many you discover there is always one more.."
And he knew exactly what was charm, especially the charm of a woman: "it's a sort of bloom on a woman. If you have it, you don't need to have anything else; and if you don't have it, it doesn't much matter what else you have. Some women, the few, have charm for all; and most have charm for one. But some have charm for none."
Wise beyond his years, and ever the benevolent soul, J. M. Barrie was able to give Peter Pan a reason to fight. A little boy with no care in the world, save an unruly shadow, was forever changed by the unconditional love of Wendy.
Men, no one ever asks you to grow up, not as long as you know what you have and you show how much it means to you. There is not a woman in the world who would deny the man she loves of anything even the hot rod, or the hours of video games, if she knew that in every way she was loved and appreciated. She might even fly out a window with you.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
The Gesture
What is a gesture you might think? Is it romantic, or something said, is it a kindness offered or a burden lifted for the person you hope to obtain the affections of? I don't know if a gesture can be defined as one particular thing, other than it is an ACTION. It is a perception, nay a forethought on how you can show that you have an interest in another person's well being. This can go much farther than just towards someone you hope to love. It can and should be part of who you, as a desired gentleman, become.
One boyfriend of mine did something so simple, that it was what really opened my eyes to him as a possibility. Before I even knew his name, I was standing at the place where we both worked, and I was feeling a migraine coming on. I remember rubbing my temples and closing my eyes with the pain. In less than a minute, a hand extended itself with an aspirin and a bottle of water held out for me. That little moment of observation that this person had, and then the wherewithal to bring me said items told me so much about this person.
One, he was watching me. That in itself is flattering. Two, he thought about my needs as a way to nab my attention. Three, he was thorough in his delivery and he didn't linger to wait for a thank you or a moment of chest beating at his cleverness. Women notice the small things, guys. They notice those little conveniences. Like, oh say, putting the toilet seat back down. Spontaneously getting up to do the dishes without having to have been asked. I had a dear friend of mine come over for a dinner, and not only did he bring cake for dessert, he also did the dishes at the end. This left me to enjoy the rest of the evening's banter without being distracted about needing to get the dishes done.
The gesture doesn't have to be the same each time, and we aren't asking that it be everyday, but shock us with some little nuance of notice, and we are putty in your hand. Another great anecdote is when a boyfriend of mine in his last attempt to prove that the last two years had not been a waste, came home with a bag of items that were all about my interests. He was a terribly selfish guy and felt that any interest outside what he deemed important was frivolous. I accepted this part of his personality, but I will admit that I had always been disappointed that he never showed much interest in my life. That day, he tried his hardest to show me that he had been paying attention. It is one of my best memories of our time together. Had he done this a little more often, we might have made it.
The gesture is more than manners, it is more than remembering a date or a movie they loved, its about notice things about the person, daily behaviors or quirks, and showing the person of your affection that you notice.
One boyfriend of mine did something so simple, that it was what really opened my eyes to him as a possibility. Before I even knew his name, I was standing at the place where we both worked, and I was feeling a migraine coming on. I remember rubbing my temples and closing my eyes with the pain. In less than a minute, a hand extended itself with an aspirin and a bottle of water held out for me. That little moment of observation that this person had, and then the wherewithal to bring me said items told me so much about this person.
One, he was watching me. That in itself is flattering. Two, he thought about my needs as a way to nab my attention. Three, he was thorough in his delivery and he didn't linger to wait for a thank you or a moment of chest beating at his cleverness. Women notice the small things, guys. They notice those little conveniences. Like, oh say, putting the toilet seat back down. Spontaneously getting up to do the dishes without having to have been asked. I had a dear friend of mine come over for a dinner, and not only did he bring cake for dessert, he also did the dishes at the end. This left me to enjoy the rest of the evening's banter without being distracted about needing to get the dishes done.
The gesture doesn't have to be the same each time, and we aren't asking that it be everyday, but shock us with some little nuance of notice, and we are putty in your hand. Another great anecdote is when a boyfriend of mine in his last attempt to prove that the last two years had not been a waste, came home with a bag of items that were all about my interests. He was a terribly selfish guy and felt that any interest outside what he deemed important was frivolous. I accepted this part of his personality, but I will admit that I had always been disappointed that he never showed much interest in my life. That day, he tried his hardest to show me that he had been paying attention. It is one of my best memories of our time together. Had he done this a little more often, we might have made it.
The gesture is more than manners, it is more than remembering a date or a movie they loved, its about notice things about the person, daily behaviors or quirks, and showing the person of your affection that you notice.
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