The Introduction

Some might ask themselves why this was not the obvious topic to start with. Well, I am of a mercurial mind and I don't often like everything to be in perfect order. However, there is one social event that should take its place amongst the first in sequence. The introduction.

Many of my mates have left me awkwardly standing beside them as they converse with others, completely forgetting to introduce me. This not only makes one feel completely irrelevant, but it also shows others that you aren't very important to this person, nor does he feel proud that you are there with him. While there are many excuses that can be given, in short, it is just a down right lack of etiquette and respect.

Gentleman, when out with your lady friend also be aware that when you introduce her, she will pay attention to HOW you introduced her. For example, if you say "This is my friend so and so" when you guys are supposed to be dating, or if you say "my girlfriend so and so" when you guys just met... etc. because she will be paying attention. Your best bet is to introduce her in this manner...
To your friends, say Hey Friend one and Friend two, I would like you to meet So and So. Prevent giving titles to anyone. Relieves you from slipping up. No one wants to deal with the fall out of an improper introduction. It leads to all sorts of pouting, and resentment.

Onto the first meeting... So you see a fine girl sitting in your row, she's dressed in yellow, she says hello, come sit next to me you fine fellow... Okay not every meeting is going to play out like a Young MC song, so you can't just go bust a move. However, the bold factor is a great one. What have you got to lose? If she is a real woman, interested in you or not, she will appreciate the gesture. There is nothing I hate more than a guy doing double or triple takes my way, and then walks off without a word uttered. I am left thinking either I had snot on my cheek or you are a coward. I don't fancy myself the Something about Mary type so, mostly guys are cowards. Nothing can be lost by politely thrusting a hand forth and saying, "Hi, my name is...".

This applies even on the internet. I was amazingly shocked this morning when I was friend requested by a guy, whom IMed me after perusal of my profile, and opened with a Hello. Not a "what's up" or "hey", or like another guy did <>. This gentleman took the time to introduce himself. He actually wrote "Let me introduce myself. I am.." I was taken aback and appreciative, and immediately receptive to all forms of communication with him at that point. There is nothing worse on social networking sites then having guys IM or message you with "wow your hot" (notice the spelling) or " U look good, wanna chat". Such slang is best reserved for after you know the person and have established some sort of comfortableness with each other. But NOT for a first attempt at contact. Men, its not that hard to be a gentleman. It's just remembering a little thing called time and place. Knowing the right time and right place to behave certain ways. Women let a lot of things slide, especially after you get some things right in the beginning.

The Curse of the Independent Woman

All the singles ladies, put your hands up! There are several different types of women out in the world that men are either attracted to or repelled by. The most elusive and curious one is the Independent lady. The one who seems to have it all down. She doesn't need you to bring home the bacon, cause she can do it herself, fry it up in the pan, serve it with a smile, and will even do the dishes and take out the trash... for herself. She opens her own car door, takes herself to dinner, and buys her own lingerie. She can stomach a one night stand with no strings and sit back, pop the cork on the wine and flip on her own 1080p LCD flatscreen that rivals the size of yours. She's a boss.

Obviously, she works hard, and she's smart. She's done it on her own and gotten far in life. She's not sitting around waiting for you to pick up the bill and eating bon bons watching soap operas all day, while you slave away at the office. She's not a trophy, she is your equal if not more.

Yet, she's single. She gets up everyday and sets her jaw because she has no one to lean on. However, she may be the one who needs someone to lean on the most.

Fellas, the Independent woman, is too often mistaken for a woman who doesn't need anything or anyone. SO not true. These women crave the same romance and love, nights of cuddling, and someone to take out the trash or hang that shelf just as much as any other woman. They just don't sit around and wait for it to be done. The independent woman isn't going to play coquettish games and fumble around her insecurities to goad you into being her hero. Yet a hero is exactly what she needs. A superman to walk in the door and take her mind off all the problems of her day, to run her a bath, or wash her hair for her in the shower. Maybe a nice foot massage while she watches CNN or The Daily Show. She wants to be taken out to dinner and wooed just as much as the ninny who hangs at the bars waiting to catch her next sugar daddy. However, this woman has obviously learned somewhere that men can't be depended upon so she took it upon herself to be resourceful.

Men, the Independent woman is deserving of your attention! She can actually keep up with you in conversation, she has something to contribute! She comes in many forms and is qualified to reciprocate your actions match for match. She is not afraid of anything. SO why are you afraid of her? Because she's a challenge, and some men just don't want to put forth the effort. But wait, I thought men liked the chase? Oh how times are a changing!

Why do wonderful independent women get stuck with loser and parasitic men? They are the only men who aren't terrified of the independent woman, because they see it as a chance to be a dependent man.

I beg you, no I implore you, men. If you know or see or are attracted to a woman who fits the description of Independent, don't back off. In fact, turn it on full blast, for these women have so much to offer, and yet sadly are skipped over by the good men. You would be surprised how a simple kindness can crack an Independent woman's outer shell.

Social Sites and the one You dig

Gentlemen, have your computers and iPhones, and Blackberries handy. Have I got some advice for you hot off the... internet?!

In this day of latent phone calls, and face to face meetings only after dozens of emails, texts, and IM's, there is some important protocol that you should follow to show the woman in your life, on the woman you WANT to be in your life that you get it..er..uh.. her.

Okay, so let's say you have been awakened to a person you met through a social networking site. You have made efforts to engage them often, and even maybe set a date for a formal meeting face to face. PAY ATTENTION to her posts. Be it Twitter or Facebook or MYSPACE... or anything else... Make sure you have read everything on her profile, her blogs, her latest tweets, etc. Why? There is nothing more offensive then you asking her what her favorite band is, when all she does is post videos from said band on her page. Likewise, it goes for just about every other 20 questions you could ask, except for maybe some about her upbringing, and maybe favorite color or animal... unless she has recently posted a quiz result that pertain to these. Its not stalking if the information is out there in the open, with the intent for you to read it.

The reason someone spends all their time filling out all these information areas is to give you those initial 20 questions, so that if you are still interested, you can move forward. The point of technology is to reduce the banal preliminaries that eroded the whole finding your mate process in the first place. You have the basic compatibility information in your possession and you don't even have to waste your time on an internet dating site. Plus you get the extra perk of seeing their friends, friend responses, and other random info that clues you into their personality.

Let us say you are intuitive enough to have done these things... then I must switch to the other side of this social networking infrastructure. When you do snag a date, meeting, or other face to face time with the object of your desire, leave that device home or shut it off. There is nothing that will quickly pop a red flag faster than a guy who constantly checks his phone on a date. There are situations (you are a doctor) that warrant the cellphone to be on. However, unless you forewarn your companion, touching the cell is downright rude. It shows her that your mind is elsewhere. Not there, in the moment, with her. How can you really get to know
someone if you are wondering what is being tweeted, or who just friend requested you on Facebook?

The key here is to know when to use the technology to work for you, and knowing when it will work against you.

The Concentrated Effort

Whilst romping through Disneyland this past Friday, I was witness to an admirable display of my lofty advice thus far. No, not about the fingers as a seduction tool, but the ushering skill set. Standing in line for Pirates of the Caribbean ride, there was a couple right in front of me. Now normally, standing in line causes all sorts of various behavioral discrepancies from averted looks, to fidgeting, to downright annoyance. However, this very attractive man was oblivious to the world around him. He was completely focused on the person he was with. I watched them, convenient since I was standing behind them, for over 20 minutes ( the length of the wait in line). I was floored by the display of utter confidence this man showed, and the attention that he paid, nay I say DEVOTED, to this woman who clearly was not his calibre of female accompaniment. She was short and overweight, and not terribly attractive either. She did have an energy to her though, and was ripe with conversation. I could not discern if this was his wife (I spied no rings) or mistress, or if this was a first date. They could have been newlyweds, or newly engaged, however, I seriously doubt it was a mistress situation.

First, the man never took his hand from the small of her back. He would gently lead her forward when the line advanced, or would stroke it gently with his fingertips in the interim. Sometimes he would move it to encircle her waist, or high up to shield her from some person on the opposite side of the rope that might connect with her. Very protective in a courteous way. All this, and he never once broke eye contact with her. Not to move forward and definitely NOT when she was speaking. He was always focused on her face. He was taller by a foot so I even wondered if his neck would begin to hurt from the constant downward tilt. He was completely consumed by her in all ways and to achieve that in the midst of a theme park with thousands of little attention grabbing situations, I was completely impressed.

Gentlemen, part of the key of this charming man was that he was completely in the moment with the person he was with. He did not check his cellphone, he did not look at his watch, and he didn't shift from foot to foot, or dart his eyes around with the common inconvenience that most men display. He was completely present and attentive to the person he was with. This lesson can be used in so many areas of life; with your children, with your job, and with your intended lover. The world around you will wait. The spark of connection with another person won't.

The Art of Ushering

... and no I am not taking about working at a movie theater, but the concept is similar.
The most delicate and alluring part of a woman's body is the small of her back; as it curves ever so gently into the waist and back out again accommodating (one hopes) her gluteus maximus. It is the part of a woman that invites the eye for admiration and (naughty) sometimes the hand. One of the kindest actions that can show a woman that you "have her back" or that you support her is the gentle placement of a hand on the small of her back.
The skill lies in it being an automatic action, not one of superiority or governance of her movements. Barely touching her back with the relaxed palm of your hand, can give a woman the reassurance that you are focused on her. A women loves to feel that she is the only thing you are aware of. That her presence there with you is of the utmost importance. Even if secretly your head is somewhere else. Do not push into her, for that would be on the edge of rudeness, instead allow it to hover there so if she leaned back or hesitated in moving forward she would feel it.
A woman likes to feel that a man is strong and protective even if she doesn't need protecting. You never want to cross the line of insinuating that she is fragile and needs your help. However, she may through small actions be comforted in the knowledge that IF needed you are there.
What are the appropriate situations you ask? Leading her into a place is one, lets say you are walking down the lane and heading into a restaurant, or some other establishment, if you open the door for her; it would be followed with the gentle presence, whether you actually touch her or not, of your hand at the small of her back. The next appropriate maneuver would be if she is climbing up steps, a situation that she that might require some support. So utterly simple?! A small gesture like this makes a huge impression towards the affections of a woman in your life. This is one of those things that she will remember about you. One of the best things it does, is it allows you to frame her, saying she is with you, in your care- without possessiveness.

What's in a finger?

In old days of gallantry and chivalry, men didn't get the pleasure of immediately hopping into bed after a few drinks and dashing away their urges in eleven minutes. They pined for women, they watched women from afar, and they had to use their imaginations to assess what it would be like to share a woman's bed. With all that pent up lust, they discovered adorable little methods of seducing a woman that can be very useful even for men today. These are subtle little ways of affirming desire and affection, ways that if known, could increase a woman's desire... things that ultimately can unlock a woman's mind into being more than a dead fish in bed.

Imagine to yourself that a woman's hand is a representation of the body you want to jump. The fingertips are her feet, the first joint is the ankle, then onto her knuckles which are her knees... and on up to that fleshy part (the webbing) between each finger which is symbolic of well *ahem* you know, your favorite place. While the back and palm of the hand can't quite be equated with a body part, they are indicators of how you desire to touch her body.

When you sloppily grasp a woman's hand, or discard it... you give her cues as to how you are going to treat her in bed. Conversely, if you take a woman's hand gently to you, play with the tips of her fingers, slowly roll your thumb over the "ankle" part, caressing the "knees" with your lips... and while looking into her eyes, you kiss that space between her fingers... I can affirm that a woman who is in touch with her sexuality will melt. Your lust translates into desire for her, and she feels wanted and appreciated. Yes! With just this simple gesture. How will you know? First she should smile, even giggle, and definitely blush. A stroking of the back of the hand, a light feathery touch can send chills down the spine and immediately ignite a flame within her. Tracing the lines of a woman's palm tell her that you would likely trace all the contours or curves of her body, which is something that ideally exhilarates women. (If you don't believe me, glance at a romance novel or two.)

Seduction is a powerful game, and not hard to master. It isn't reliant upon looks, or conversation as much as it is in the confidence of the delivery. Try it. You will be surprised.



*Note that if this gesture makes her uncomfortable, or she pulls away... this to can be a clear sign, that she isn't into you, or isn't secure with herself to accept such flattery. Also, I wouldn't do it on a FIRST DATE.