Gentlemen, have your computers and iPhones, and Blackberries handy. Have I got some advice for you hot off the... internet?!
In this day of latent phone calls, and face to face meetings only after dozens of emails, texts, and IM's, there is some important protocol that you should follow to show the woman in your life, on the woman you WANT to be in your life that you get it..er..uh.. her.
Okay, so let's say you have been awakened to a person you met through a social networking site. You have made efforts to engage them often, and even maybe set a date for a formal meeting face to face. PAY ATTENTION to her posts. Be it Twitter or Facebook or MYSPACE... or anything else... Make sure you have read everything on her profile, her blogs, her latest tweets, etc. Why? There is nothing more offensive then you asking her what her favorite band is, when all she does is post videos from said band on her page. Likewise, it goes for just about every other 20 questions you could ask, except for maybe some about her upbringing, and maybe favorite color or animal... unless she has recently posted a quiz result that pertain to these. Its not stalking if the information is out there in the open, with the intent for you to read it.
The reason someone spends all their time filling out all these information areas is to give you those initial 20 questions, so that if you are still interested, you can move forward. The point of technology is to reduce the banal preliminaries that eroded the whole finding your mate process in the first place. You have the basic compatibility information in your possession and you don't even have to waste your time on an internet dating site. Plus you get the extra perk of seeing their friends, friend responses, and other random info that clues you into their personality.
Let us say you are intuitive enough to have done these things... then I must switch to the other side of this social networking infrastructure. When you do snag a date, meeting, or other face to face time with the object of your desire, leave that device home or shut it off. There is nothing that will quickly pop a red flag faster than a guy who constantly checks his phone on a date. There are situations (you are a doctor) that warrant the cellphone to be on. However, unless you forewarn your companion, touching the cell is downright rude. It shows her that your mind is elsewhere. Not there, in the moment, with her. How can you really get to know
someone if you are wondering what is being tweeted, or who just friend requested you on Facebook?
The key here is to know when to use the technology to work for you, and knowing when it will work against you.
Monday, June 1, 2009
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
The Concentrated Effort
Whilst romping through Disneyland this past Friday, I was witness to an admirable display of my lofty advice thus far. No, not about the fingers as a seduction tool, but the ushering skill set. Standing in line for Pirates of the Caribbean ride, there was a couple right in front of me. Now normally, standing in line causes all sorts of various behavioral discrepancies from averted looks, to fidgeting, to downright annoyance. However, this very attractive man was oblivious to the world around him. He was completely focused on the person he was with. I watched them, convenient since I was standing behind them, for over 20 minutes ( the length of the wait in line). I was floored by the display of utter confidence this man showed, and the attention that he paid, nay I say DEVOTED, to this woman who clearly was not his calibre of female accompaniment. She was short and overweight, and not terribly attractive either. She did have an energy to her though, and was ripe with conversation. I could not discern if this was his wife (I spied no rings) or mistress, or if this was a first date. They could have been newlyweds, or newly engaged, however, I seriously doubt it was a mistress situation.
First, the man never took his hand from the small of her back. He would gently lead her forward when the line advanced, or would stroke it gently with his fingertips in the interim. Sometimes he would move it to encircle her waist, or high up to shield her from some person on the opposite side of the rope that might connect with her. Very protective in a courteous way. All this, and he never once broke eye contact with her. Not to move forward and definitely NOT when she was speaking. He was always focused on her face. He was taller by a foot so I even wondered if his neck would begin to hurt from the constant downward tilt. He was completely consumed by her in all ways and to achieve that in the midst of a theme park with thousands of little attention grabbing situations, I was completely impressed.
Gentlemen, part of the key of this charming man was that he was completely in the moment with the person he was with. He did not check his cellphone, he did not look at his watch, and he didn't shift from foot to foot, or dart his eyes around with the common inconvenience that most men display. He was completely present and attentive to the person he was with. This lesson can be used in so many areas of life; with your children, with your job, and with your intended lover. The world around you will wait. The spark of connection with another person won't.
First, the man never took his hand from the small of her back. He would gently lead her forward when the line advanced, or would stroke it gently with his fingertips in the interim. Sometimes he would move it to encircle her waist, or high up to shield her from some person on the opposite side of the rope that might connect with her. Very protective in a courteous way. All this, and he never once broke eye contact with her. Not to move forward and definitely NOT when she was speaking. He was always focused on her face. He was taller by a foot so I even wondered if his neck would begin to hurt from the constant downward tilt. He was completely consumed by her in all ways and to achieve that in the midst of a theme park with thousands of little attention grabbing situations, I was completely impressed.
Gentlemen, part of the key of this charming man was that he was completely in the moment with the person he was with. He did not check his cellphone, he did not look at his watch, and he didn't shift from foot to foot, or dart his eyes around with the common inconvenience that most men display. He was completely present and attentive to the person he was with. This lesson can be used in so many areas of life; with your children, with your job, and with your intended lover. The world around you will wait. The spark of connection with another person won't.
Sunday, May 3, 2009
The Art of Ushering
... and no I am not taking about working at a movie theater, but the concept is similar.
The most delicate and alluring part of a woman's body is the small of her back; as it curves ever so gently into the waist and back out again accommodating (one hopes) her gluteus maximus. It is the part of a woman that invites the eye for admiration and (naughty) sometimes the hand. One of the kindest actions that can show a woman that you "have her back" or that you support her is the gentle placement of a hand on the small of her back.
The skill lies in it being an automatic action, not one of superiority or governance of her movements. Barely touching her back with the relaxed palm of your hand, can give a woman the reassurance that you are focused on her. A women loves to feel that she is the only thing you are aware of. That her presence there with you is of the utmost importance. Even if secretly your head is somewhere else. Do not push into her, for that would be on the edge of rudeness, instead allow it to hover there so if she leaned back or hesitated in moving forward she would feel it.
A woman likes to feel that a man is strong and protective even if she doesn't need protecting. You never want to cross the line of insinuating that she is fragile and needs your help. However, she may through small actions be comforted in the knowledge that IF needed you are there.
What are the appropriate situations you ask? Leading her into a place is one, lets say you are walking down the lane and heading into a restaurant, or some other establishment, if you open the door for her; it would be followed with the gentle presence, whether you actually touch her or not, of your hand at the small of her back. The next appropriate maneuver would be if she is climbing up steps, a situation that she that might require some support. So utterly simple?! A small gesture like this makes a huge impression towards the affections of a woman in your life. This is one of those things that she will remember about you. One of the best things it does, is it allows you to frame her, saying she is with you, in your care- without possessiveness.
The most delicate and alluring part of a woman's body is the small of her back; as it curves ever so gently into the waist and back out again accommodating (one hopes) her gluteus maximus. It is the part of a woman that invites the eye for admiration and (naughty) sometimes the hand. One of the kindest actions that can show a woman that you "have her back" or that you support her is the gentle placement of a hand on the small of her back.
The skill lies in it being an automatic action, not one of superiority or governance of her movements. Barely touching her back with the relaxed palm of your hand, can give a woman the reassurance that you are focused on her. A women loves to feel that she is the only thing you are aware of. That her presence there with you is of the utmost importance. Even if secretly your head is somewhere else. Do not push into her, for that would be on the edge of rudeness, instead allow it to hover there so if she leaned back or hesitated in moving forward she would feel it.
A woman likes to feel that a man is strong and protective even if she doesn't need protecting. You never want to cross the line of insinuating that she is fragile and needs your help. However, she may through small actions be comforted in the knowledge that IF needed you are there.
What are the appropriate situations you ask? Leading her into a place is one, lets say you are walking down the lane and heading into a restaurant, or some other establishment, if you open the door for her; it would be followed with the gentle presence, whether you actually touch her or not, of your hand at the small of her back. The next appropriate maneuver would be if she is climbing up steps, a situation that she that might require some support. So utterly simple?! A small gesture like this makes a huge impression towards the affections of a woman in your life. This is one of those things that she will remember about you. One of the best things it does, is it allows you to frame her, saying she is with you, in your care- without possessiveness.
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